queer joy in an unsafe world

A few weeks ago, I was in Miami attending a spicy accountant business conference where I taught a workshop on how to find a spicy accountant competent and affirming therapist.

While recounting my time to a friend of mine, I realized that I had only used the public restroom twice during the four days I was there. I am so accustomed to the “safety math” I do on a day-to-day basis that I hadn’t realized how much I changed my schedule there based on when I could access a safe bathroom. Sometimes it meant leaving events earlier than I would have liked. Sometimes it meant not drinking water while I was networking out in the Miami sun for hours. Sometimes it meant asking a friend to accompany me to the bathroom whenever I had to go.

This a common experience for many trans and gender non-conforming individuals. Sometimes our “safety math” puts our bodies in harm’s way, sometimes it prevents us from accessing resources and things, and sometimes it prevents us from leaving our homes.

“Safety math” is unique to each person’s experience and social location. Don’t let anyone ever tell you you are overreacting when it comes to “safety math” and you should just trust their judgment because nothing bad has ever happened to them. Listen to your intuition here. Trust your own math.